The ‘Real Love’ “7 Ways to Make a Man Miss You”
By Maryjane Kapteyn
There are ways to make a man miss you that don’t involve being a doormat or a martyr for love.
Here’s how to make the right man miss you by being your most worthy and confident self.
Be Less Available.
Not because you’re playing a game, not because you’re trying to make him jump through hoops and earn the privilege of being with you, but because you want real love, not a short-lived romance. You’re less available because you have a happy, fulfilled life that your new man happens to be a part of it, but is not the center of. As he demonstrates real love and shows he can offer you more, he’ll naturally, over time will earn more of your time. No man should be your whole world until he’s offering you his.
Slow Down.
Slowing down physical intimacy protects you from being blindsided, misled and heartbroken. It gives time for genuine caring and connection to grow, as you get to know his character and intentions.
Jumping in between the sheets too soon confuses sexual chemistry with love.
Take time to build a relationship must include genuine caring, love, friendship, compatibility, great communication, and commitment. Without all this, he won’t miss you – only what you offer him. If you offer him “free milk”, he’ll excitedly accept, fill up and move on.
Be A Woman of Worth.
A man misses a woman he values and feels an excitement, passion, intrigue, strong interest and attraction towards. The more self-respect, dignity, and self-love you demonstrate in how you care yourself, the more he’ll respect and desire you. But, if you’re sweet, kind, generous, and loving towards him when he treats you less than or unkindly, the less he’ll want or respect you.
Be Sweet but Strong.
The more boundaries you have around how you expect to be treated – the more he’ll start to try to win your favor and earn your respect. Hold strong standards that protect your happiness and fulfill your needs. Uplevel your expectations to match the level of investment you want from a man who wants access to your exclusivity and heart. Only a man who invests his time, attention and affection generously is truly committed to knowing and possibly loving you. This is the kind of man who will miss and desire you. Remember, a good man desires to please you, whereas a selfish man seeks only to please himself.
Don’t Miss Yoga.
Always, always, always put your self-care first. Sweet gals tend to believe that doing for a man or giving to him, will earn his loyalty and love. The opposite is true. Giving to YOU is what makes a man develop strong emotional feelings because this inspires him to want to be the cause of your happiness. A good, giving man wants to make you light up with delight, smile, laugh and feel good. He wants the credit. So workout, go to yoga, hang out with your girlfriends, organize your closets, spend Sunday morning at the farmers market, book a spa day or day picnic just for you. He’ll not only feel like he missed out, but he’ll miss you. His mind will get busy planning your next exciting date.
Be Enthusiastically You.
Being 100% authentically you is the most attractive, appealing thing you can do when looking for love. Does this mean every man will desire you or miss you? No! It guarantees the right one will. Be the unique, amazing YOU, just as you are right now, without any sense you need to perfect or improve. This kind of self-acceptance is very appealing and will raise your attractiveness instantly. In this more relaxed, easeful state you’ll attract a man who loves you unconditionally, without demanding change. A man who really likes you will naturally miss you, adore you, cherish you and desire you.
Stop Needing Him.
I encourage my very sweet, smart and independent clients to rely on a man only as he earns your trust. It’s okay to let a man help you, support you and be there for you, as he offers. BUT DO NOT use him as an emotional crutch. No one person should ever be your sole source of happiness. If you need him to feel whole, safe, worthwhile or happy he’ll feel pressured, resent your attachment, devalue you and lose attraction. At this point, he’ll want to be as far away from you as possible, instead of close! I suggest you keep a full vibrant life and act as if you don’t need him until you actually don’t. This way you’re free to love him, enjoy him, feel happy with him but you know whether the relationship works or not, you will always be okay.
The key to making a man miss you- is to be the kind of woman he can fall for and can’t imagine life without.
Love,
Dear Mary, I’ve been seeing this guy for about 4months now. At the beginning of the relationship we used to spend a lot of time together and I felt like he loved me though he rarely said it. Now we have had some issues he’s always busy he doesn’t even call or text me. There is this time I went to see him and I made lunch for him. He told me he’d be busy but I still went to see him I thought he’d finish his work early and he’d at least hold me and we’d cuddle but that didn’t happen so I left feeling quite irritated and after that he didn’t talk to me for one week. Now we’ve started communicating but as I said am the one who calls and texts him he doesn’t even bother to know how am doing. Please help me get him back I don’t even know if he loves me or want me any more. Am desperate….
Hey mary, I once sneaked into my man’s inbox and found a message showing he was after a girl.Then shortly after that, his attention towards me has been less romantic.I feel unhappy and uncomfortable with him not missing me.but he keeps in telling me he loves me and that is when I call him.he makes me feel like I’m desperate for his love and that makes me feel so depressed because he doesn’t return the same affection I have for him. When I wanna dialogue with him to express my mind, he tells me I am not respecting him, by trying to speak out. He wants to marry me and he wants us to have a baby. is he worth a baby daddy and alifemate? I don’t wanna lose him too. How can I make him to be perfect for me?
Elvira – You’ll ALWAYS feel desperate, unlovable and emotionally way too attached to a man who is emotionally unavailable. EVERY SINGLE TIME. It’s a psychological trap – one lesser men use to entrap women into unhealthy, toxic and even abusive relationships. I GET IT! I’ve been where you are and i can tell you it’s takes strength and courage to get to the other-wise of it – but it’s worth it. there’s nothing like feel strong, savvy, worthy, and independent of the need for a man’s love. from a place of self-love you attract so much more real love and support into your life WITHOUT ever having to settle, compromise, over-give or tolerate less than. Elvira, you need to be reading ever single post i’ve written over and over again until it’s a mantra in your HEAD – how much you’re worth loving. Learn this lesson now- you cannot change a man! if he wants you love you – you can inspire his love but you cannot make another person love you. it will hurt and it will be hard – but if you value yourself even a little – LEAVE THIS MAN. Do not marry a man who isn’t devoted to you! and do not bring a baby into the mix – trust me it will drive an even bigger wedge between you and all the issues you have now will blow up into full-on, painful betrayals. Start loving you and I promise everything will be for the better.
I ended things with someone whom i dated seriously but did not want to commit, around last Christmas. In less than 2mths he found a new girlfriend. It was really hard for me, i was very broken and i felt so unwanted. Even though i no longer pine for him, the incident with him left me very hurt and traumatised. Im consumed by self-doubt and i think all guys are just like him. I just met a great gut and still getting to know him but im so paranoid i think he is probably also not serious about me… I want to love and be loved.. Why is it so hard for me but seems so easy for others..? Im not the best but i think im awesome, why cant i be valued?
Hello Pristine, First of all I’m sorry that this man’s failure to love, adore and commit to you broke your heart and made you feel so unwanted. i use to feel that way too. And you’re not alone- more people than you think struggle to love again after feeling hurt and unwanted. A few quickies: it’s not what happened that is keeping the hurt and fear in the present but what you believe it means about you. If you viewed his decision ‘as about him’ and not personal to you with the assumption that you’re not worth loving- your relationship not lasting would be a disappointment not a trauma. Second, asking WHY never helps. It puts you back in the past with all the painful memories, loss and what if’s. that’s tough. ASK INSTEAD- what next? what do i need to do to heal from the relationship? To regain my confidence and faith in myself? What does it look and feel like when a man is valuing me, treating me well, in love and wanting commitment? When you start asking those questions – BAM! the solution-based part of the brain kicks in and the emotional, wounded side takes a back seat. then, you can start to feel empowered in your love-life instead of powerless and despairing. This really is what LOVE COACHES like me support you to do. helping you TURN around painful experiences and come out the other side of them wiser, strong, more capable and feeling more deserving and worthy of love and all good things. Your hurt is natural – even the tendency to shut-down and self-protect out of fear of being hurt again. But the only way you can have the big, awesome, full-on, real love you want is to get on the other side of this- by turning it into SUPERPOWER energy that gets you closer to love. That’s what i did. It’s why the love coach exists to serve you and so many others today. i wanted my pain to have meaning – not just for me but to transform the lives of others. so that every single woman on this planet can claim her worth, confidence and feel self-assured to trust herself and love again. This is my wish for you.
Love, Maryjane
P.S. want more support? have tea with me! http://nomorenicegal.com/work-with-me/single-session-coaching
Great article! Love it.
I have a question. I’ve been seeing with this man for almost a year now and he’s not a very talkative person when it comes to face to face (which i don’t really mind) but he’s a very caring person and always keep in touch through texting. However, even though we text almost everyday, i’m scared that he might get bored of me later in the future. Is it okay if i don’t contact him the whole day but i will only send him goodnight and morning greetings? Or should i not even give the greetings? To make him miss me like he once before.. Looking forward for your reply.
Hello Sam,
it depends… are you exclusive? Do you see each other 2-3x a week and go on real dates (not just hang out)? does he compliment you, say how great it is to be with you, help you with things, offers gifts or pay for dates? that fact that you feel he’d be bored with you indicates one of two things – you either feel insecure about your connection and whether he’s into you or not OR you feel insecure about you and what you have to offer. Either way, I don’t believe in playing games. Be you, feel worthy, get confident and the man that’s worth your time will be madly, crazy into you. Because you like you and he likes you in return.
Love, maryjane
I’ve been seeing this man for a year now and I want him to miss me and want me more .but I don’t know where to start. Advice please.
Hello Katie! Start with everything I just shared in the article and focus on the TOP 2 – be less available and self-care like your life depends on it (because your relationship does). Make a list of small and big actions that support these two things and just start where you are, small action by small loving action. Let me know how it goes! if you need a little more personalized advice and attention, I’d be happy to help…book a single session and we’ll create plan specific to you and your relationship. http://thelovecoach.com/chai-latte-date
thanks! i learn alot from this entry 😀
great! so happy to hear that Hazel! what was your biggest take-away? learning? 🙂
Hello Mary, I am in a long-distance relationship, we’ve been together for 2 and a half years. I live in America and he lives in Germany. The problem is, I think I’m pushing him away. Throughout this whole relationship we’ve had some close calls, and I feel like it is all me. Recently I feel that he’s just less talkative with me, and I feel like it’s because of my feelings and depression. I’ve been depressed recently because of the loss of my grandmother and other family related issues. When I want to talk to him he’s usually just playing a game and does reply to what I say, but he rarely makes conversations, and all I can really think to ask him is “How are you?”, “What are you doing?” etc. Now, what I really want to know is how can I make this relationship have those wonderful fireworks again? We tell eachother that we love eachother so much every day and I know it’s true but I just don’t want to push him out of my life. It gets to the point where he will end the Skype call because he’s so unhappy because of me. Now, we’ve met in real life multiple times and let me tell you, he is a wonderful lover and companion when we are together, but when it comes down to skyping every day, we cannot communicate the way we do in the real world. He gets angrier, more aggressive, sarcastic and so do I. I’m usually the one who starts the fights from what I can see, and the fights are always about me being unhappy because of something. How can I control my feelings better? I cry almost every day because of my fear of losing him. I can’t imagine living without him. Please help me make this relationship more exciting and full of love.
Thank you.
Thank you Sidney. first of all long distance is hard. it’s hard to get your needs met so you can avoid feeling needy. and it’s hard to grow a connection when you can’t touch or interact the same way most couples get to grow together. So, you picked a tough situation. You said something key i want to address- I can’t imagine living without him. Add the depression and that’s a lot. Your comments lead me to believe your love cup is running on empty and you’re being an emotional heavy weight with your man (i wrote on blog on that!). after a while, men will withdrawal, avoid or disappear all together because we give them that ICK feeling of obligation and work by demanding they affirm, validation, support and reassure us. Change your focus from trying to get him to miss you and focus on cultivating more self-care, self-love and self-worth. As well, add more real, live support into your life so you’re less dependent on this relationship to feel secure.
I resently got pregnant with a guy I had being seeing on and off for 5 months he’s met my parents and supports me and the baby financially, but the problem is he’s never around, he’s either working or out with the boys which really frustrates me, please help me make him miss me and our new family that were awaiting for. .
Hello Maureen, I’m so sorry and you’re in a tough situation. I’m not sure what you connection was like prior to having the baby – but being a new parent can put a strain on any relationship. If he was loving, attentive and adoring of you pre-baby – then you need to look outside love coaching to addresses the challenges of staying connected as a couple as new parents. If his attention and affection was intermittent or inconsistent while you were courting – then the issue is with your connection and his level of commitment. I suspect the latter since you only saw each other on and off. I’m afraid to say it because it will be so heartbreaking and limiting for you to hear this – but it’s likely he’s supporting you out of duty and obligation and not ‘I’m crazy about you, you’re my woman kind of love and devotion.’ Getting pregnant by a man who was sometimes there and then not, on and off as you said is problematic. he’s either not ready for anything serious or he didn’t ever see you as the one. You may need to accept him as your babies-daddy and not a life mate. Be co-parents and friends and look for fulfillment and love elsewhere.
This all sounds good and right but he sees me now & then. I text him but barely communicate because I don’t want to say or do something that will push him farther away. This means we’re blah together so now he’s seeing someone else. I want him back full time. Have a fresh start. Help Please.
Hey Deborah, I know the pain and insanity of liking a man whose only there for you sometimes. While, I hope you’ll get fed up of not having your needs met and needing to share your man with someone else… here’s my blog on how to handle a man whose blowing hot and cold.
http://thelovecoach.com/2428/why-is-he-acting-hot-cold