Nice Gal Secrets to Never Feel Powerless With Men
By Maryjane Kapteyn
Do you work hard to get a relationship and keep it going?
If so, I hear you!
Trying Too Hard in my relationship past, backfired. All the ‘keep him interested’ heavy lifting sucked the life out of me. Pleasing him and securing his devotion took over all my thoughts and left me energetically exhausted.
Desperately chasing after love made me feel angry, needy and resentful. I never got what I needed in return to feel good. It made me mistrust men – creating confusing push-pull messages of “I want you” and “go away”.
I discovered that being a sensitive, good girl isn’t a problem, but giving too much and depending too much on a man is.
Let’s look at how to stop making common good gal love mistakes.
‘Giving to Get’, Love Doesn’t Work!
It took a few heartbreaks to figure out the secret truths about men! When you GIVE to a good man, he relaxes, thinking he’s done enough. He happily sits on the couch and watches TV while you break a sweat trying to please him. A gentle, but constructive, loving request of ‘hey, it would feel good if…’ usually does the trick.
But, the same over-giving to a “not into you guy” causes him to take his fill and drop you like a hot potato to move on to something better. (Or you kick his good-for-nothing behind out the door feeling hurt and used-up).
Are you wondering WHY men like the ‘hard to get’ prized woman and not the sweet, “I’ll do anything for you gal”?
Well, it’s because men desire to WIN a woman who inspires him to go beyond his reach. A woman who doesn’t actually need him to feel good about herself, and brings out the best in him and his. He wants to be the most important part of your life and knows he needs to earn your attention and affection. It boosts his ego and increases his self-worth to win.
Not making a man the center of your universe sends the message of I’m worth cherishing and care. Honestly, some of us are dating men unworthy of our time. It’s a bad sign when staying home to paint our toenails and organizing our closets in more fulfilling.
If you take hanging out and hooking up off the table as an option – he’ll step up to earn it. (No more free, cheap and easy mindset!)
As my gal pal reminds herself after the first few dates, ‘Buddy that was just dinner, keep going.”
All the “heavy lifting” of supporting, initiating, pleasing, accommodating to keep the relationship going doesn’t make Nice Gals indispensable – it makes them desperate and uncertain. Plus, it sabotages a man’s attraction and interest.
Stop trying to earn his love, when he hasn’t earned your loyalty and trust.
TO RECAP: If a man knows you need him, he’ll stop trying to win you over because he’s got ya. Men value what they invest in. So, if you want a man to develop real feelings for you, and fall hard, he needs to want to make you feel good. Real men who know how to love are givers- not takers!
Depending On Him To Fill You Up Always Backfires
The more a Nice Gal gives, the emptier she feels. Giving to the point of emptiness creates dependency on a man to make you feel good and worthwhile. Caught in this web of neediness always ends with a broken heart and low self-esteem.
You cannot ‘give’ your way into self-worth or happiness. The good feelings you long to experience with a man aren’t possible until the mirror of self-love is reflected from within.
Getting Worthy, Confident, and Secure allows you to trust in your value and relax. Then, it’s easy to be genuine, carefree, open-hearted and happy in the relationship. The more self-fulfilled and content you are, the easier it is to resist NG habit of over-compensating or over-giving.
Nice Gal mistakes can keep you in good-man dating no-man’s land and miserable. Let me save you a lot of time and pain by sharing a powerful tool I discovered to put an end to the vicious cycle of trying too hard to be loved.
Relationship Fill Up Exercise
1. Imagine that your attractiveness and allure is boundless, your eyes are glowing, and your heart is open and radiating self-trust, confidence, and appreciation. You are in love with yourself. Day-to-day life feels worthwhile. No matter your glorious shape and size, your body (no matter what you think of it) feels supple, soft, and strong. Your smile, energy, and movements communicate what every man longs for, a sweet and self-assured woman. A man feels awestruck just thinking about getting close to you. You feel safe to lean back and let him do the heavy lifting, firm in your commitment to open to love.
2. If any flashbacks of old pain, doubts, fears, and negative thoughts come up, simply shift back to memories of feeling secure, happy, calm, confident, beautiful, and adored.
3. Paint a picture of inner radiance, happiness, and attractiveness for yourself in your imagination right now. Then, return to this fulfilling feeling all throughout your day, no matter what happens.
4. Once this ‘picture of your best self’ is in your mind, and the good feelings it brings are anchored in your heart and body, you’ll become a magnet for happiness and positive attention from everyone, but especially men.
5. As Rori Raye would say, ‘Lean back. Tilt your body backward – to keep your energy in “receiving” mode while you imagine every man you meet giving good, loving energy to you.’ (I like to imagine I’m soaking in a bubble bath or lounging in a cozy onesie).
I guarantee if you STOP over-giving and you start filling you up, first and always, the men you attract will mirror the level of self-care you give freely and abundantly to yourself. Love will finally feel good, easy, and safe.
Love,
P.S. Do you need some loving support, with an occasional ‘bad nice girl! slap on the wrist’? Are you ready to stop being too nice and get a dose of ‘I’m fantastic’ confidence? (yes, yes, yes) Great! Let’s have tea.
