I’m Not Sorry
I am Canadian and like my fellow Canucks, we can be highly prone to overusing the word SORRY. Add in the Nice Gal thing, and a conversation can quickly turn into a machine gun of apology turrets.
Saying sorry habitually without genuine necessity is submissive: a crouch, roll over, expose your belly reaction to avoid an attack and hopefully inspire a few bonus belly rubs. A simple ‘sorry’ can be a slippery slope to subservience and a loss of self due to an over-concern for another.
Nice Gals too often say sorry in an attempt to please and avoid conflict. Careful about what they say too nice people are quick to apologize to mend small upsets and avoid offense. Deeply afraid of rejection and disapproval, Nice Gals’ and Guys’ mistrust their worth and compensate by jumping through imaginary hoops to be liked.
Disapproval is so emotionally fatal to nice people that they often deny personal needs and give at their own expense. Adapting to meet the expectations of others, nice people suppress their desires and negative emotions by over-giving and over-achieving. Trading a deeper desire for unconditional acceptance, for temporary inclusion.
There’s a difference between nice and kind and a time to be courteous and a time to be firmly impolite. Knowing this distinction empowers “the nice” to stop acting like pushovers and doormats, and garner the respect they deserve.
The solution? Stop saying sorry when you’ve done nothing wrong and stop tolerating putting your needs last. Wrap a heavy elastic band around your wrist and snap it three times every time you utter sorry unnecessarily or deny what you want to please another. Give it a month and like Pavlov’s dog, the habit will be gone.
If this sounds extreme, just recall all the times you trusted blindly, gave too generously and accommodated too willingly only to be gutted by betrayal and disappointment. In comparison the effort of self-correction and self-love are painless.
‘I’m sorry’ works well as a submissive survival tactic, but it is an unearned vulnerability that exposes you to likely and potential abuse, neglect, and betrayal.
Approval and belonging are wonderful, but not if it costs you peace of mind, dignity, and self-worth. Decide you’re worth receiving acceptance from someone who doesn’t expect you to apologize for just being who you are.
While Canadian’s may take pride in being a nation of nice people I hope we’re equally known for not taking any guff.
Only apologize when you genuinely need to be sorry.
