Nice is the Solution, NOT the Problem
“You wait a lifetime to meet someone who understands, who accepts you as you are. At the end, you find that someone all along has been you.” – Richard Bach
This New Year’s 2018 abandon resolutions based on self- improvement because the root of all perfecting and performing is a belief of not being worthy. Say NO to striving and instead commit to pulling out every rooted false belief in “not good enough”. Make healing and restoring your true self your focus.
Nice Gal behaviours are learned ways to earn and secure love. And every nice act only offers temporary, and conditional versions of love that depends on one’s efforts to please, support, fix and give. It traps Nice Gals in a never-ending, exhausting cycle of giving themselves away and never receiving the real love that sustains.
When the promise of the love appears, Nice Gals can be all too quick to jump without looking in the hopes of fulfilling the ache and longing in their hearts. But with every leap, they find they’ve been deceived – the honeymoon ends and true intentions are revealed. Betrayal and disappointment turn into despair and deeper feelings of shame and unworthiness.
The nature of too nice syndrome means attracting people who will manipulate, use, abuse, and neglect. They target the longing to be seen and connect and exploit it. In the beginning, they’re lavished with what they crave most and then slowly inch-by-inch, all that was offered is taken back and more. NG’s are left with less-than when they started with.
After each heartbreak, an NG’s self-esteem in the toilet, trust betrayed, energy zapped and faith demolished – she might rightfully conclude this love thing isn’t worth it and give up.
If this is you, who would blame you!?!
Or maybe you muster the strength and keep seeking… trying….hoping. Having given so much for too long, the emptiness grows, and once again look outward for the relationship you believe will validate your worth, and fill you with safety and acceptance.
Hungry for love and emotionally starving is a vulnerability that signals predatory or unhealthy men. The unhealed self is most attracted and drawn to men who compliment the pattern: givers attract takers, co-dependents attract love-avoidants, and victims attract abusers.
Relationships perpetually mirror the intense desire, loss, and longing of the past, and repeat until the pattern is disrupted.
Please know I’m not blaming you. The pain of too-nice co-dependency is real and debilitating. None of this is intentional or conscious (that would be crazy). The logical mind isn’t in charge here – cellular memory in the body is triggering powerful responses, skewing perspective, and motivating pre-programmed choices.
Our conscious mind puts in so much effort to do love differently, but the “emotions” drive towards the familiar.
In addition, naturally empathic, affirming and kind – nice gals see the good and highest potential in others- this is a beautiful thing. Coupled with boundaries and wisdom – this ability, along with your intuition can be your superpower – not your weakness.
Here’s how the cycle repeats and traumatizes.
Significant loss and betrayal, over time, result in a nagging anxious desire to figure it out, fix it and change it for next time. The ego-mind protectively wants to help you avoid this future pain, but this positive intention misdirected can dig you deeper into too nice co-dependency (despite your best intentions to break free).
The general consensus in the dating world is that you work out the issues at the relationship level by trying to fix and change him or how to behave towards him in order to heal.
A good love coach might speak to the egoic need to hook you into seeing the bigger truth of worth and coach you into confidence around this, but untrained “coaches” will exploit this to sell you a solution that keeps you locked in the endless search for answers and power to win his love.
Truth is you can do a lot of things wrong with the right man and he’ll love you and stick through it, and you can do everything right with the wrong guy and it will inevitably end up in heartbreak.
I’ve seen this time and time again in my own life and that of my gracious clients. Trying hard doesn’t work. A man either loves you in a devoted, genuine and committed way, or he doesn’t.
Giving more, doing more or knowing more won’t change how he feels about you. Helping, supporting, and fixing won’t change his personality and character.
I promise you, the “love him so he’ll love you back theory” doesn’t work. It puts all the focus on him, his needs and his desires, rendering you powerless and positioning you as less-than.
The No More Nice Gal approach asks the opposite, inviting you to place your energy where it needs to be, which is on healing, evolving, and loving yourself.
You’ve only “failed” at love because you were given a faulty- doomed dating advice or techniques that simply don’t work if you’re a too nice gal.
The truth is now there’s a model for healing through the No More Nice Gal Recovery program.
I believe that recovery from co-dependency is a ‘make or break’ deal. We either commit to meeting and releasing our inner wounds, or we flounder alone or hop from relationship to relationship (never quite getting it right).
What is required for you to heal is to take a stand, knowing that there is an inner being within who truly needs your love, dedication, and support. Healing this wounded, separated self, unleashes the irresistibly powerfully and worthy woman you’ve always been.
(I can’t wait to meet her!! – because she’s worthy loving!)
I can share with you a path that includes healing too nice co-dependency from its core, how to love others without losing yourself and a new worthy identity that transforms how you date and relate to men (and what you attract).
This is about recognizing that there are very ‘young’ wounded parts inside of you that are traumatized, insecure, fearful, abandoned, abused and highly distressed.
Together we need to decide that you are committed to giving the deepest love and loyalty to the wounded parts of you in order to heal them.
Then, the work focuses on shifting your identity from nice to worthy, retiring beliefs of not good enough that make you feel anxious, empty, unsure of yourself and hooked on seeking external validation, security, and approval.
Imagine the freedom and vital energy that will return to you when the frantic, desperate need to prove your lovability is gone.
Healing means the invented solution of too nice is no longer compelling and the real you in all her wonder can shine.
Only then will attracting and creating the life and love of your dreams be possible.
Love,
P.S. APPLY for an exclusive spot in No More Nice Gal Rehab – we start in March 2018!
