Goddess or Doormat?
Pablo Picasso said, “There are only two types of women – goddesses and doormats.”
… Which are you?
Do you give more than you get?
Do you sacrifice, accommodate, and please for fear of losing his love?
Out of excitement, do you go all in or make yourself too available?
Do you compromise your values to keep his love or attention?
Do you put his needs before your own and believe that by fulfilling him – he’ll choose you over all others?
Do you have sex (under pressure) before you feel ready?
If you said yes to even one of these questions, you have forgotten you’re a goddess.
It baffled me for years, why my loving, giving and supportive ways didn’t grant me rave reviews with a man. Men complained all the time that if only they could find a sweet, adoring, supportive, understanding, and generous woman to spend their lives with. It made sense that good guys were valuing the same qualities of good gals.
So why were Nice Gals, like you and me, consistently being overlooked, undervalued, or taken advantage of?
I learned key differences separate whether a man treats a woman like a Doormat or like a Goddess.
(Caveat: Some men are nice and honest and always treat women with respect. A whole other group of men act like self-centered jerks and disrespect women regardless of the level of self-esteem they possess. Then, there’s a middle group who respond to how a woman treats herself- this is the premise I’m sharing from in this blog. YOU ARE NEVER TO BLAME WHEN A MAN TREATS YOU BADLY. The aim of all my teaching is to make sure it never happens again.)
First of all, the Goddess is confident and secure in her self-worth. She has rules about how much she’ll give, to whom and how soon, guarding her body and heart for the right man. When a man treats her with less respect or care, she calls him on it. If she doesn’t feel comfortable doing something she says NO! While she wants to be loved and find the one, she’s willing to walk away if something isn’t quite right. She’s had bad luck with men too, but she stands up for herself and is willing to stay single, holding out for all she truly desires.
The ‘Doormat’ was once a Goddess who got hurt. BAD. Now fear, instead of trust, drive her to make choices against her best interest because of a false belief of not being enough, or the belief she can’t trust men.
Thoughts from past experiences make this too nice gal think…
“Something wrong with me”
“Who would want me like this?! I’m too fat, too sick, too broken, or _____”
“If I say what I really feel or think, he might not like me”
“I’ve never been like those popular girls who have it all, who would ever choose me!?”
OR
“If I let myself fall for him, what if he rejects me. I don’t think I can handle it.”
“I’m sick of being hurt and disappointed by men”
“I don’t know where to meet good quality men, I always seem to attract jerks.”
“I’ve made so many bad choices in the past, I don’t trust my judgment”
Bad beliefs hijack the Nice Gal robbing her of self-worth and confidence. Fear makes her feel needy, insecure, uncertain or desperate, turning her into a doormat.
Acting from this energy ‘the doormat’ is more likely to minimize or dismiss red flags or bad behavior, depending too much on a man to make her feel safe and lovable. She’ll give to get and aware of this manipulation, he’ll either dismiss or use her in return. A not-so-good man will take advantage of her need for love and enjoy the ego-boost of attention, affirmation, and affection as she fills him up.
The more she gives, the more empty she feels, and the more she’ll unconsciously lean on a man to make her feel good enough. It’s a vicious cycle that perpetuates feelings of being less than and less desirable. The Nice Gal loses touch with herself and her goddess-ness.
Said differently: No man wants to feel burdened by your demands, expectations, or needs, or run the tightrope of managing your fears and past hurts. If he feels you need him to feel safe or validated he’ll see you as a doormat and treat you less than. Or feeling less worthy, you may be tempted to put up with unacceptable just to be accepted, or settle to avoid being alone.
This is precisely the too-nice, bad deal, that always ends in heartbreak cycle I am here to support you to break. Once feelings stop running the show – you can reclaim your self-worth and get the love you want.
Now, you may be thinking – ‘Maryjane, giving is my thing. It’s part of who I am.”
Yes, I hear you and I get it. I want you to be generous and caring but from a place of self-worth, self-love, and self-care. I encourage you to make a strong, no excuses commitment to giving to you first and placing your needs as high priority so this becomes the standard by which you allow a man to get close.
To be a goddess, you must be self-assured that you deserve love, secure enough to allow it and self-loving enough to say ‘NO’ to anything that looks like love but isn’t.
Love,
