Over-Giver’s Anonymous: 13 Ways to Make a Man Miss You
Browsing the world of dating advice, I bumped into an article By Heather Jensen (a.k.a HJ) on ways to make a man miss you. *Since my response garnered too much attention, the article has been modified to 13 ways. But, I’m going to stick with the original 7.
This dating fluff infuriates me! This article is yet another “full fat, sugary manufactured dating junk food that promises to leave you satisfied with the fool-proof ways to drive him crazy, make him miss you, like you, choose you and fall in love. To an over-giver, these kinds of ‘Cosmo’ dating tricks are the ‘donut’ to your healthy diet – enticing and tempting, but fatal to your heart.Dating is tough enough without following this brand of try-harder love advice.
Let’s review each piece of jaw-dropping bad ‘advice’. I’ll share with you why trying to figure out, focus on, and please a man is your ticket to heartache, not devotion.
BAD ADVICE #1: SEND ROMANTIC TEXT MESSAGES
“Don’t worry, I promise you won’t seem too desperate, but you need to remind him how awesome your last date was, how much you miss him to really keep his mind on you!” HJ
The message here is, without actively reminding him you exist, he’s likely to fall under some weird spell of amnesia and forget you ever dated. If this is the case, he’s a victim of a head injury, a man whose life doesn’t revolve around you, or he’s not that into you. Honestly, if a man likes you, feels attracted and wants to know you, he’ll initiate a text, email, or phone call so he can have the NEXT awesome date with you. You won’t need to “remind him”.
BAD ADVICE #2: HANG OUT WITH THE GIRLS
Bad advice?! No, I agree, but check your motivation. Maintaining girlfriend relationships is to have a life of your own that’s balanced, supportive, fulfilling and exciting, not to manipulate or provoke a man. The Love Coach philosophy is all about being “You-Centered”, not “Man-Centered”. When you place your happiness, joy, fulfillment and self-actualization FIRST, you attract a man who is healthy, cares about your feelings, respects you and see’s your worth. Embodying self-respect and self-love says, “I don’t need your approval or acceptance to define who I am, give me direction or value. I love me and accept only loving behavior from others.” Hanging out with the girls, building a solid career, living a healthy lifestyle, traveling, and following your interests isn’t a trick, it’s about loving your life and loving you.
BAD ADVICE #3: SEND HIM GIFTS
“When in a relationship, you want to constantly remind (him) how sweet you are… by sending little gifts at work.” HJ
OMGosh! I’m stunned. Over-giving to a man is a turn-off that makes him lazy, taking away the thrill of pursuing you. Every time you ‘give’ by initiating contact, rather than responding to his efforts, you shift into the masculine role in the relationship. This is the fastest way to decrease chemistry and kill the attraction, guaranteeing he’ll be looking for someone more ‘interesting’ and ‘valuable’ to pursue. A man doesn’t fall in love by what you do for him; he falls in love with how you make him feel (just by being you). He wants to connect with a woman he views as unique and rare. You’re special, act like it.
Further, you’ll likely embarrass or emasculate him by stalking him at work with your love offerings. Just don’t.
BAD ADVICE #4: LEAVE LITTLE ‘LUNCH’ NOTES
“Romantic gestures make all of the difference in how much he misses you! Just a quick ‘I love you’ could be all it takes for him to miss you throughout the day!” HJ
Okay, I am assuming by this comment, you live together, are exclusive and moving towards marriage? Otherwise, you’re breaking into his house or driving to his job site to distribute said note and lunch (hello desperate and creepy). Stop auditioning for the role of perfect girlfriend or wife. You can’t BUY a man’s affection or compel his love by loving him first. Men cannot be bought. Men fall in love with a woman who makes them feel like no other because they’re incredibly impressed by her strength, intelligence, independence, and femininity.
Becoming irresistible doesn’t manifest from TRYING HARD but from being 100% authentic. Trying to ‘make him love you or see how great you are’ only demonstrates how much you ‘need him’ to feel worthy. You don’t need to prove you can cook, clean or nurture him. If you follow this ill-advice, it’s likely, he’ll enjoy the free lunch, throw away said love note, and plan his life with someone else.
BAD ADVICE #5: SURPRISE HIM
“Surprise him with a home cooked meal or a romantic date. Let him know that you are the perfect girlfriend for him!” HJ
You DO NOT NEED TO PROVE YOUR WORTH by trying to win his attention and approval. Real men are givers and pleasers. They thrive on watching you light up with delight and happiness, to smile, laugh and respond to their romantic overtures. The reward for their generosity is your positive appreciation and acknowledgment. PERIOD.
There is a difference between doing sweet things and being sweet: a difference between pleasing and being pleased. In the latter, you don’t need to prove anything. You are just kind, loving, open, and respectful as a way of being. You don’t need to go out of your way to behave thoughtfully. Making yourself indispensable to a man, confuses love with need turning you into his maid or ‘booty call’, not the love of his life.
BAD ADVICE #6: CALL ME
In traditional fashion, let the man be the romantic pursuer. If he’s not thinking of you, initiating contact, or nailing down the next date, then he’s not invested or interested. It’s not personal, leave it alone and wait for a man who is excited and can’t wait to spend time with you. Even if you feel tempted to take charge to make the relationship happen, sit in uncertainty, lean back and surrender control. No Facebook, phone, text or email nudges, messages, shares or winks. Letting him contact you is the best way to know if he’s invested.
BAD ADVICE #7: MORNING SEX
“The last way to make him miss you that really works is morning sex.” HJ
Sex is not a bribe or a tactic. If you’re exclusive with a man who is cherishing, attentive, thoughtful, consistent, good, loving and respectful guy, then a healthy sex life naturally follows. Playfully teasing, flirting and ‘sexting’ replies to his “good morning beautiful” is more likely to keep you (and the idea of unwrapping and ravishing you) on his mind all day.
SUMMARY
As enticing as it may be – please stay away from generalized dating sites, and their calories rich, nutritionally deprived junk food dating advice. The sugar high will make you do stupid and demeaning things.
All men fantasize about a sexually available woman, who is otherwise all about him and at his beck and call, (it’s called porn). In real life, women who fall into this role are subservient, co-dependent, and easily used and discarded. Over-giving and pleasing at the expense of yourself is a learned addiction and societal throwback from the 1950’s that guarantees heartbreak and low self-esteem.
Join No More Nice Gal Movement right now and treat this kind of “love-advice” as the bad sugar ‘donut’ sabotaging your chance for real, lasting love. Inspiring a man’s love happens when you focus on your happiness, maintain healthy boundaries, love yourself first, and slowly build a real love connection on all levels of intimacy.
No tricks, manipulations, figuring him out or pleasing required.
Looking out for your best,
LOVE THIS BLOG? … Read ‘The Real Love: 7 Ways to Make Him Miss You’
