RE: I Don’t Care
Ever had thoughts like this…
“What is he gonna think of me?”
“Will he be attracted to me?”
“Will he like me?”
“Will I look stupid?”
Sound familiar???
There was a time when going on a date felt like an anxious high-wire performance. I would over-think my way into a frenzy trying to look good, smell great, and say (or do) the right thing to make the date go well.
The pressure of measuring his reactions – wondering what he was thinking, or wondering if he likes me, sabotaged my ability to relax, be myself and let things happen naturally.
Gosh, then there’s all the “what if he’s my soulmate?!” hope.
Yeesh.
Since then, I have obviously learned SO much.
My skin is thicker, my B.S. radar is stronger, and frankly, I just don’t care to waste the precious time or head-space worrying what a man (or anyone else) thinks.
I am so committed to loving and accepting myself, as is, that the basic requirement of anyone I date is that they’re a fan.
Life is too short to be in love with someone who isn’t loving you back.
Trying to love him so he’ll love you back is a classic Nice Gal mistake. I can tell you first-hand – this never works.
There’s no romantic exception to this rule – he’s either into you or he’s not; he’s ready or he’s not; you want the same things or you don’t. PERIOD.
Trying to change his mind is a colossal waste of energy. Energy better used to build a business, exercise, decorate, socialize, or shop.
You gotta shut out the good and bad opinion of others. you need to care less.
Realize you can’t control who you like or are attracted to, any more than a man can. Rejection, therefore, doesn’t even exist. If he isn’t making an effort or isn’t totally into you, don’t try to do more or figure him out. Insert a mental auto-reply that says: “This isn’t personal; this isn’t about me, NEXT!”
If your goal is to go-big for your dream of love (and I know it is) you gotta train yourself to care a lot less.
Here’s the truth though…
I DO care.
I care too damned much. About E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.
I care what EVERYONE thinks.
Especially being liked by a guy I’m attracted to.
A Nice Gal virus activates in my brain pumping out ideas of how I can show him I care, how I can help him, and ways to impress him.
It’s annoying!
The difference between the old me and the NEW me, is that I’ve learned not to resist the temptation to act on Nice Gal urges.
I’m sensitive, I experience self-doubt and YEPP… I have the occasional sobbing “dating sucks” breakdown (gasp!).
I’m not immune to disappointment or the hurtful things others sometimes say or do. And I’ve got plenty of relationship regrets I could lose sleep over. I naturally care, but I have disciplined myself to operate in a way that puts me first.
Because here’s the other thing:
We all are programmed to avoid uncertainty and pain at any cost. It’s the fear of rejection and loss that compels Nice Gals to try too hard and love to exhaustion.
And you have two choices:
…Opt for the “try until you die” and crash like relationship-roadkill [ensuring the idea of dating fills you with such intense disgust and dread you’d rather be single].
OR
… Admit being too nice at the expense of yourself will never, ever get you the man who loves you just the way you are and decide now to stop caring what he or anyone else thinks.
Unless, of course, you want to spend your time, energy and emotional bandwidth trying to convince others to treat you better and like you more. Or you could train yourself, as I have, to stop trying.
The worst that can happen is that you go on a date and he doesn’t call you back. Or he seems to like you but disappears after date #3.
Yup, you’ll feel disappointed, but you’ll keep dating and soon forget all about that guy.
No longer playing the “what if” fantasy helps you remember potential isn’t reality and living on hope alone isn’t an option. Honestly, if he doesn’t want you, he’s not important and his opinion doesn’t matter.
The deal is- you want real, awesome, up-leveled, spiritual love from a purposeful, honest and reliable guy.
Getting this means you’ll kiss frogs, get hit on by losers, screen out players and between all the rift raft [or nice guys that aren’t the one] will be YOUR GUY.
You’ll need to care less and be yourself to find him.
