How to Deal When Life Doesn’t Turn Out as Planned
What do you do when life hasn’t turned out as you hoped, planned or expected?
For starters, you stayed strong and survived. (that’s huge!!!!)
Second, what happened wasn’t necessarily the cosmic plan of the universe or choice. So, stop beating yourself up with woulda, coulda, shoulda.
There’s a trick of the mind that when the body is nervous or fearful what you tell yourself is what becomes real. For example, if you start to feel anxious butterflies and jittery nerves before speaking in public, telling yourself you’re afraid will create stronger sensations and emotions of fear.
If instead, you tell yourself “I’m excited”, you’ll experience similar body sensations, like, sweaty pits and Adrenalin rush, but your emotions will be elevated, helping you perform better.
This same mind-body hack can be applied when recovering from regret, heartbreak, or trauma.
I invite you to think of a moment that haunts you. A choice you regret and would change if you could, an unexpected incident you were blindsided by, or a person who wounded you the most.
Ask “What did I make that moment mean about myself, about others, about life, or about God?
- Were you heartbroken and you decided there were no good men and you’re better off being alone?
- Were you the fun friend no guy ever got serious about and you decided no man would ever see your worth?
- Did you struggle to belong and decided either to “do it on your own” or please to get others to like and include you?
- Have you been single so long, maybe past your best before expiry date and you believe it’s too late for you?
- Did you suffer from neglect, betrayal, or abuse, and come to believe real love happens for others, but not someone like you?
STOP, grab your journal and write your answer down.
What you tell yourself about what has happened determines whether you the victim or the heroine of your own story. This battle isn’t happened “out there” but in your heart and head.
My introduction to coaching and personal development began with a career as a group fitness trainer in my 20’s. All that ended when I was hit by a car, ironically while walking to the health food store.
The first year of physical recovery was a struggle to understand why this had happened and how to get my life and body back.
Losing my business and health was hard enough, but then a thoughtless remark from a stranger telling me it was karma, made me blame myself. My mind latched onto the “idea” of wrongdoing and punishment from God, and searched for evidence of unworthiness and guilt.
I know you’ve been on that mental train wreck. Maybe you’re riding the blame train right now, expecting the inevitable crash. Accustom to criticism and not good enough messages, self-blame was hard to combat. After journaling and reading many self-help books, I flipped the meaning into an opportunity to reinvent my life. I decided God wanted my good and was on my side.
I truly began to heal when I decided “why” was because I was at the crosswalk at precisely the moment this man drove distracted and too fast – that was it: Karma in its true meaning of cause and effect and co-dependent origination. Period.
I stopped asking why, and said, “now what?” I shifted my focus to what I wanted and took action on next steps. I didn’t know what would happen or how it was all going to turn out but in embracing uncertainty every possibility had opened up to me.
A degree and a few certifications later, I became a life coach. My private practice thrived and I saw the accident as a gift.
The meaning placed on the events determines whether you shrink or expand; survive or thrive. It is the difference between becoming angry, faithless, and afraid, or feeling worthy, hopeful, and full of trust.
What is the gift in your circumstance, past or present? What meaning will you subscribe to?
Here’s what I believe.
I believe you’re worthy and lovable no matter what.
You are not your circumstances, not what happened to you, not what others think, and not your mistakes. You are here for a purpose: to connect, to love, and to express all of you (to do what brings you joy and follow your passions).
You are and always will be good enough.
Love,
